.......i'm very grateful. I feel like thanking most everything. I want each to know it's not taken for granted. I'm realizing the preciousness of flight, the delicate rhythm of a birds wing. To see their choreography in the sky is something entrancing. It brings sparkle to my skins surface, bubbling up through my pores. Liquid stars ripple and I'm the antonym to blind. It must be heaven to ride the wind, to ride the water. You'd never realize you were solid.....
....crying now.... i'm at the center of happy, simplicity wrapping me into a great tender hug. I love you, do you hear me? This world, you scare me, I know, but your witchery is so kind, so private and careful. You're an old friend, underground, but I'm buried too. I see your attempts, you shy quiet soul. Like me, I think, when I can't hold back any longer, lose myself and pop the giggle bits. Freedom breezes....sigh....and the morning hopeful fresh what will i make of today.... Turbulence in wind, the need for change. We, all the people, we're troubling ourselves with finding answers for our battered hearts. When we hurt so badly........no one understands, you say, but isn't that so illusive. (souls, faces, grow from trees!) Answers are becoming unnecessary for me. Why search for an ending. How ugly is that? How are pretty are starts and middles. Tasty durations. Just take it all in and smiling.....................
.........gloomy. for a few hours. i had happy come home again when we left for coffee and the wind, gorgeous and full, was around me...everywhere....Indecisive, picking, searching, exploring...what would it look like if I could see it? Like a dark dream maybe it's something better left unseen. It's not what it is that counts, it's what it does. Raucous leaf dance, slapping my soul....a private rebellion i know nothing of.... a rape i don't mind............
........what's better, to be awake in a dreamsleep or asleep in the day shuffle? my questions like riddles.....i can't answer.......'Dummy!' i say. Answers aren't necessary. They aren't, curious dolly! I must console my ache somehow and I do this by shutting off and writing whatever flies into my head, littering my page with fevered questions, naive little wonderings i think are brand new until the stronger, postmodern me breaks miss wide-eyes crayon and says:
'stop you silly girl. no thought is new.'
'you can't know for sure!' she cries with widened eyes.....
......i can't tell her why....both always me, bicker fest. a girl inside a girl inside a.....one inside the other like a nest of faces blinking on and off, depending on the days, the time, if memory has confiscated my mind......i only hope to not lose my wonder. That's when people die inside, walk in hollow skin...see only expectations and yesterdays tracks. Step by step they follow the always trail and speak with braille. Please open your eyes, my dear ones. Don't miss the black bird dance, touching the sky with a fingerprint kiss so large. It's proof the air holds something gorgeously large.....ever changing, spilling secrets and carbonated riddles. It'll draw out your smiles, your tears and you'll die and live simultaneously. My wish is for a slower world where sky flush is worshipped.... i hope this is not to trite, too sugary, too old fashioned. It's just me at the moment weeping over born skies, pigeons, oddities. I want them to know they're not forgotten. I'll kill the money, i won't harm you.....
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